Tag: #uzoaduba

Caregiving is the great, unseen work of a lifetime, whether it’s for aging parents, young children, or a person with a disability. It often goes unnoticed, uncelebrated, and un- or under-paid. It typically requires sacrifice of self in multiple ways, from dialing back career aspirations to a different look to retirement to shouldering physical (adults who are deadweight are heavy and those who are combative make care tough), logistical (ever tried to get someone who doesn’t understand words or can’t sequence directions to sit on a toilet?), and emotional (it may not be personal but some days you can only take being told to go away or shut up so many times) weight. In short, caregiving is a challenge that comes with a side of detriment to one’s emotional and sometimes physical well-being at various stages whether the caregiver is a family member or a paid aide.

Is it because we are taught not to stare when we see someone with a disability that we collectively generally don’t see or acknowledge caregivers? Is it because a lot of care happens behind closed doors so it’s simply not in our view very often (until we experience it ourselves and then suddenly we see these quiet laborers everywhere – driving cautiously on the highway with an older person in the passenger seat, pushing a wheelchair through the supermarket, waiting at the bus stop)? Is life just too busy to occupy ourselves with imagining what it’s like to give everything you have physically and emotionally at work and then go home to care responsibilities there, too, from one’s own kids to one’s own parents? Is it just too hard to face it so we ignore it? That is, until we are in it or need it ourselves?

Bradley Cooper recently produced a new Caregiving documentary that sheds light on this enormous blind spot and need in American society. It highlights different stories about caregiving and caregivers. It tells the story of paid and unpaid caregivers navigating the challenges and joys of this deeply meaningful work. By intertwining intimate personal stories with the untold history of caregiving, the documentary reveals the state and the stakes of caregiving in America today.

So much is broken about the medical system in the US, and caregiving is a separate but related dimension of that brokenness. Everyone needs it or does it at some point and yet there is nothing about long-term care that is straightforward or easy. It’s a big, complicated, expensive system. Reform is plodding – at best. Link here to my prior musings and stats about long-term care – Don’t You (Forget About Me)

Some strategies to make immediate improvements for paid caregivers:

1. Pay workers a living wage. That should go without saying, but it needs to be said because it is not in any way a given; one cannot show up as one’s best self at work if one is barely able to cover rent and perpetually stressed about making ends meet even while working full-time;
2. Create pathways for career advancement. Professional development and the ability to grow into better roles at work matter tremendously for worker satisfaction. By giving motivated employees a career ladder for upward opportunity, they will be more willing to stay, thus reducing turnover while increasing the quality of care;
3. See the hard work these people do and acknowledge them. Like really notice them. Say their names, take an interest in who they are, and thank them for the non-glamorous and often grueling work they do. We’d (hospitals, assisted living facilities, and families) be so screwed without them.
4. Check out organizations like the National Domestic Workers Alliance who work to highlight these disparities and change the status quo.

Some strategies to make immediate improvements for family caregivers:

1. Show up. No one should have to take on the burden of caregiving alone. It’s way worse when a caregiver realizes that they haven’t been forgotten, but actually that no one has thought about them at all;
2. Frequent check-ins: Even if it’s just a short text or phone call, regular check-ins can help the caregiver feel supported and not alone. It’s a small but meaningful gesture that can have a big impact;
3. Be proactive, not reactive: If you notice the caregiver is struggling, don’t wait for them to ask for help—step in. Take on specific tasks – offer to assist with hands-on tasks like cooking, cleaning, running errands, or handling paperwork. The more you can take off the caregiver’s plate, the better. Often, caregivers won’t reach out for support until they’ve already hit a breaking point;
4. Acknowledge their sacrifice: Caregivers often go unrecognized for the enormous amount of work they do, so it’s important to make them feel appreciated.

Besides working for policy change that can positively impact the care industry, as with all things: treat every living creature with respect, dignity, love, and curiosity. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone deserves to be seen and heard. If you are interested, you can add your own caregiving story at Well Beings, an on-going, multi-platform campaign to address critical health needs in America. Lots of resources to learn from there as well.

Take care of yourself. If you are a caregiver, take extra care. Caregiver Syndrome – also known as caregiver burnout – is real. It is “a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion experienced by individuals who provide care for a chronically ill, aging, or disabled person.” Symptoms include: feelings of overwhelm, sadness, anger, irritability, anxiety, depression, guilt, resentment, fatigue, body aches, physical ailments, and neglecting personal needs. Mel Robbins dives into this subject in her podcast Overloaded, Exhausted, and Ready for a Reset: 3 Doctors Give Their Best Advice. It resonated with me completely. I have BEEN THERE. You know what one of the doctors recommends at the end? Putting your own oxygen mask on first. Huh, I wonder where I heard that before?

Take a deep breath and maybe a couple minutes of quiet for yourself.